Script 2/20/19

Jim is walking along a sidewalk. He sits down at a park bench and rummages through his bag. A Businessman walks up to him.

Businessman: Hello, Jim. How are you feeling today? Mind if I sit?

He sits.

Jim: I’m not sure how you know my name but that’s fine, I was just leaving.

Businessman: Sit down please Jim. We have something to discuss.

Jim: No thanks, I’m late to an important meeting.

Businessman: With Robert Smith, the CEO of something or other - Yes, your model was always very ambitious.

Jim: My model? What are you talking about?

Businessman: There’s no way to put this nicely… You’re a robot, Jim.

Jim: Haha… Ok, what’s this really about?

Businessman: Due to a legal change in company ethics policy, it is my job to inform you that you are a robot.

Jim: Well, since that is impossible and frankly absurd, I’m going to leave and hope to never see you again.

Businessman: *sighs* We knew you wouldn’t believe us, so I have proof.

The businessman pulls out a small remote. He points it at Jim and pushes a button. Jim’s left arm falls limply to his side.

Jim: Wha- What did you do?

Businessman: I have temporarily deactivated the servos in your left arm. If you are still unconvinced, I will gladly deactivate any of your other features if you think that would help.

Jim sinks onto the bench.

Jim: I don’t understand… How is this possible?

The businessman stands up and prepares to leave.

Businessman: Legally, No further elaboration of information is required nor will be provided. Thank you for your cooperation.

The businessman promptly leaves.

Jim: Wait!

He tries to get up but his arm snags on the bench. When he looks up, the businessman is almost gone. Ted sees Jim from across the street and starts hurrying toward him.

Ted: Jim! Hey Jim!

Jim is distracted by Ted and loses sight of the businessman.

Ted: How’s it going, man? I haven’t seen you for weeks!

Jim: Some guy just came and told me I’m a robot then left.

Ted: Cool. What’s this?

Ted picks up the remote.

Jim: No don’t touch that!

Ted pushes a button and Jim’s right arm deactivates.

Ted: Oh, dude, you really are a robot aren’t you!

Jim: Yeah, I guess. Can you turn my arms back on?

Ted: Sure thing, just one second.

Ted pushes a button. Jim gives an exaggerated thumbs up.

Jim: Stop

Ted: What’s this do?

He pushes a button and Jim falls over with a thump.

Jim: Ow.

Ted (laughing): ok, ok. I’m done. Here.

The scene changes to Jim and Ted sitting at a table. Jim has his head in his hands. Ted is sitting back drinking coffee.

Ted: So you’re a robot now, huh?

Jim: Yeah, I guess… I mean, have I always been a robot? Have I just been going around my whole life just thinking I’m human? Or is there a real Jim out there somewhere and I’m just the replacement who's been given all his memories.

Ted: I dunno man. I wouldn’t worry about it too much. My advice: don’t drink too much water, you don’t want to get rusty.

Jim: Shut up, Ted.

Ted: What are you going to tell your family… wait, what if your whole family is made of robots! What are you going to tell your brobot?

Jim: Shut up, Ted!

The scene changes again to Jim and Ted leaning on a wall like in Charlie Brown

Ted: Since you’re a robot, do you have to follow the three laws of robotics?

Jim: Like Asimov’s laws of robotics?

Ted: Yeah. Um… do a handstand!

Jim: No I don’t think so. I mean, I do plenty of stuff people tell me not to.

Ted: That seems like a pretty serious technical oversight for whoever built you.

Jim: Please don’t make me think about that kind of thing.

Ted: About how you were built by somebody and therefore don’t actually have real parents or family of any kind?

Jim: (slumps partially behind wall) Yeah

Ted: You wanna get pizza?

Jim: I need to go… somewhere else… alone

Jim walks away. Ted thinks for a moment and then chases after him.

Ted: Don’t feel too bad man; you’re not that different from everyone else. We’re all pretty much robots anyway. We do the same stuff every day, the same stuff people have always done. We’re a product of circumstances… society, man!

Jim: That’s determinism, Ted. I don’t like determinism.

Ted: Nobody does, Jim. But that’s inevitable.

Jim: I also don’t like when you’re being glib.

Ted: Do you think that guy will show up again?

Jim: I doubt it. It seems like whatever company he is associated with was reluctant to even reveal what little they did.

Ted: Yeah, I have a ton of questions and I’m not even the robot here… probably.

Jim: Well, it’s as you said, isn’t it. I’m no different than everybody else. We’re a society controlled by invisible hands. Whose hands, nobody knows. Whether you’re made of circuits or sinew, you’re a robot either way.

Ted: Jim.

Jim: What?

Ted: Jiiiim.

Jim: …

Ted: You’re bumming me out, man.

Jim: Sorry dude. Let’s go get pizza.

Ted: Maybe the pizza grease will loosen you up

Ted reaches for his phone without looking and grabs the remote instead. A countdown begins.

Ted: oops

Jim: what did you just do?

Ted fumbles with the remote, accidentally causing Jim to flail around.

Ted: It won’t turn off!

Jim: What did you do!

Jim grabs the remote

Ted: I’m sorry, Jim

Beat

Jim: So this is it, huh?

Ted: Jim...

Jim: Goodbye Ted

Ted watches as Jim walks away. We see a montage of Jim staring out at landscapes, sitting by rivers/waterfalls etc. Making the most of his last moments. He watches the last few seconds tick away and then suddenly coughs. There is a ding. He pulls a hard boiled egg out of his mouth and stares at it aghast.

Jim: I’m an egg timer.

He begins to weep

Jim: I’m just an egg timer.

END